Monday, February 28, 2011


Waiting sucks. When you are waiting for an answer it can be excruciatingly painful. Alright, that might be a slight exaggeration. But when that one decision is all you can think about, there is a bit of an aching feeling thinking about waiting for it. 

When I applied to college I was not too concerned. I applied to some random schools that I was not too passionate about. I was not too sure what I was doing with my life or what path I was headed down. Once I got into a college I knew that it would all work out. It didn't really matter what college I went to, so long as I went to college. When I was applying to colleges most of the people around me where as well. We all applied to colleges together and we all had to wait for the decisions. I even when to look at a school with some of my classmates. Everyone applying to college was sitting in the same boat, all playing the waiting game together.

The next step is a whole different ball of wax. This time around I care. I know what I want out of life. I know what direction I want to go in. I know which rabbit hole I want to fall down. This time around, I care about where I go to school. This time around I am not applying to a bunch of random schools. This time around, getting into a school doesn't's about getting into THE school. I am applying to three Seminaries: Princeton Theological Seminary, Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary and Iliff School of Theology. I care about all three schools and am interested in them for different reasons. So far I have applied to Princeton (they had the earliest deadline) and I am working on my applications to the other two.

Waiting for a response from Princeton has been exhausting. I check their website daily to see if I can find out the answer. I think about it at night, and everytime someone on campus asks me about the future, they are asking about Princeton. I got a letter in the mail this past week, from Princeton. My boyfriend's mom called to let me know it arrive. My question for her was "Big envelope or small envelope?" When she told me it was a small envelope I immediatly got discouraged. In my mind a small envelope equals rejection. It turns out that it wasn't a rejection or an acceptance, but rather they were informing me that my file was complete and that their admissions committee would now be reviewing it. I was so excited, only to be told to wait some more.

Today I told my friend Alexander that I recived a letter from Princeton and he got excited. I told him it was a small envelope, he got depressed. I told him what it said, he felt bad for me. Alexander understands what I am currently going through and where I am coming from because he is experiencing the same thing. The difference is is that he has already gotten accepted by his first choice school. Alexander now knows that he will be studying at Springfield College for his masters in psychology in the fall. I feel bad talking to most people about this situatuion because they aren't experiecing the same thing. There is a very few number of my graduating class that is applying to programs for further education. I know of three people definitivly (myself- Master of Divinity, Alexander- Masters of Psychology, Francisco- Masters in Music) and there are a few people that may or may not apply to the Adventist seminary, if they do not get job offers after graduation. While my close friends do not seem to mind me complaining about the process adn the waiting period I feel that everyone else doesn't understand.

Waiting sucks. I have reached the point where whether it is yes or no (PLEASE be Yes!) I just want an answer. The waiting is killing me!

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