Discernment

I'm beginning to think that the longer I am in seminary the more clear my sense of call is. I suppose that this makes total sense. When else have I been so tested mentally, academically, spiritually, emotionally and physically? I've taken classes and my year and a half here that have challenged me in so many ways. I wanted to give up and quit seminary more times than I can count. But I stuck with it. I've cried myself to sleep. I've cried myself through studying. But still I persevere.

And in all of this growth and reflection and personal discernment one of the big things that I have been working on, especially with discernment, is figuring out where I feel called vocational. One point, years ago, I thought I felt called to parish ministry. And though I appreciate those who do feel called, and though I do enjoy preaching every once in a while, I know that I am not called to Parish ministry. This semester I have been doing a field education placement with the presbytery of West Jersey. I am been learning about the hunger issues in New Jersey and traveling from church to church through out the Presbytery teaching congregations about hunger and encouraging them to get involved with different missions related to hunger. It is been very rewarding and I have learned that I definitely enjoying this more then parish ministry or church placements. I cannot see some sort of educational or advocacy work being a part of what I am called to do.

After graduation I am moving to Louisville, Kentucky for the year to join my then-husband as he finishes up his final year of seminary. Following his graduation we hope to move back to Massachusetts. In Boston and the surrounding area there is a plethora of different nonprofits that would be amazing to work with and to work for. In particular I think the human rights campaign is very appealing as is the Waltham house, a home through the home for a little wanderers organization, that caters to young LGBTQ homeless teens. There are so many nonprofits that focus on education and advocacy and civil rights that would be amazing to become a part of. I think that the fields of that holds the most interest to me is civil rights and LGBTQ issues. Especially homeless LGBTQ young adults. I don't really have any doubts that I would be able to find a career where I would be able to both earn money as well as feel like I'm making a difference.

So at this point the thing that I'm having the most difficulty discerning is whether or not to continue on the ordination process. Working for some sort of nonprofit organization would not require me to be ordained. The ordination process for the Presbyterian Church has proven to this far be very stressful and I'm only on the beginning stage. Additionally, it is a very expensive process. At this point is difficult for me to be okay with forcing myself to go through so much stress and financial strain when ordination is not required. Things to think about and pray about and talk about and discern.

In Need of Guidance

I am having a massive internal conflict as of late. The basis of my conflict is field ed and more precisely, where I should do my field ed. For all those who are not well familiarized with the PCUSA ordination process and/or Princeton Theological Seminary academic requirements let me explain. The seminary mandates that I have to do one academic year placement and one summer placement. One of those two placements must be at a church. My Presbytery says that I have to do a church placement as well as a Clinical Pastoral Education placement at a hospital that is accredited by the Association for Clinical Pastoral Education (ACPE). That’s all well and good and I have no problem with any of those requirements.

I was offered a position for this coming summer (summer 2012) at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. At first, I was super excited but now I am having second thoughts. There are two main reasons for my doubts, one having to do with I suppose logistics and the other having to do with ministry. CHOP is obviously in Philadelphia. If I were to drive to Philly every day, it would take me at least an hour. I would then have to park in their remote parking lot and take a shuttle from the parking lot to the hospital. At the end of my long day at the hospital, I would then have to drive an hour back to Princeton with traffic. My other option would be public transportation. If I lived on campus I would walk to the Dinky, take the dinky to Princeton Junction, take the train to Trenton, take the Trenton line from Trenton to Center City, take the Media/Elwyn line and then walk. If I live in CRW, I would have to drive to a station or take the shuttle to campus. That would involve leaving at 6:20, if I needed to be at the hospital by 8:30. It is a lot of traveling and I would hate it early in the morning and after my day at the hospital. I also feel like it would be very expensive.

The other cause of my doubts pertains to ministry. I emailed the Committee on Preparation for Ministry for the Presbytery of Boston and they are very specific that Clinical Pastoral Education sites must be ACPE accredited in order for the committee to count it as CPE for the ordination requirements. This means that even though I would be doing everything that I would do at a CPE site it would not count as such. In my mind, if it isn’t going to count as the requirement I need then I should do something that will fulfill my requirements and because I am feeling myself called more towards parish ministry I feel that I should probably spend the summer doing field ed at a church.

I have no idea what to do and this internal battle I am having about what to do is both distracting and me bringing me to tears. I’m working on praying for some guidance but would love and appreciate input. 

Princeton wrap-up

I am really glad I decided to take the trip down to Princeton. I have known so many people that have gone through Princeton that I had an image of it in my headed, but I really needed to go there and see if the image in my head actually matched up with the school. Overall, I would say that it did. Here is my breakdown of Princeton:
What I liked:

• The campus is beautiful
• Almost everyone lives on campus, which is great because it puts a real emphasis on community
• Faculty all live very close to campus
• There are three dorms on campus and everyone is intermingled (it isn't like Juniors live in one, middlers in another, and seniors in a third). I went into a dorm room and it was gigantic compared to dorms at other schools. And everybody gets a single!
• the faculty I met seemed very approachable and students say that the faculty is amazing
• There seems to be a great dining area (yes they always put out better food when prospectives come but the regular food was great too), they know how to cook proper vegetarian food (not the AUC fake stuff), and they will cater for dietary needs!
• Worship isn't mandatory but it is offered every day. And every service is different.
• There is a multicultural aspect.
• Everyone on campus genuinely seems nice. Students, faculty, staff, etc stopped and talked to me because I was looking at the school.
• It's PCUSA, so basically I could be living polity everyday, which will really help with the ordination process
• 100% of tuition is covered
• Not everyone is going into Pastoral Ministry. I have no clue what I want to do. I feel called to serve in ordained ministry but I'm not sure in which capacity. I have interests in Social Justice, The Global South,and Ecumenical relations but what can I do with that?
• The classes are amazing. And just because 2 people are getting the same degree doesn't mean they will take the same classes. My friend and her husband have both done the M.Div program at PTS and only took 3 of the same classes.

What I don't like:

• It's 5 hours from home...I'm sick of driving after the first 2 hours
• I got lost in the middle of nowhere New Jersey on my way home!
• It's more rural than I was hoping for (but apparently its 1 hour to NYC, 1 hour to Philly, not too far from the Poconos, not two far to the beach, etc so you make it work)

Obviously the list of things I like greatly outweigh the list of things I don't like. So if I get in, it's pretty easy to see that PTS would be my choice.

PresbyMEME: Why I am voting yes on Amendment 10a

Name, City, State: Devin Berry, Boston, MA

Twitter and Facebook profiles: Twitter- presbygeek (I live tweeted throughout our meeting. search #bostonpresbytery for that) facebook- devin.berry

Presbytery and 10a voting date: Presbytery of Boston, 11/1/10

Reason ONE that you are voting "yes" on 10a is... Because it makes sense

Reason TWO that you are voting "yes" on 10a is... Because tolerance is the future of the church

Reason THREE that you are voting "yes" on 10a is... because it isn't just about GLBTQ issues

What are your greatest hopes for the 10a debate that will take place on the floor of your Presbytery? The Boston Presbytery isn't known for having the most civil conversations on this topic. The first Presbytery meeting I ever attended was the questioning of Sara Herwig (http://media.gfem.org/node/10752) and I left that meeting in tears for Sara. My hope is that as we address this topic we can remember that we are all brothers and sisters in Christ.

How would you respond to those that say that if we pass 10a individuals and congregations will leave the PC(USA)? I believe that is individuals leave the church because 10a passes then perhaps we are better off...

What should the Presbyterian Church focus on after Amendment 10a passes? One issue at a time please?

How does your understanding of Scripture frame your position on 10a? 1 Corinthians 12:27Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

I must admit that the true title of this blogpost should be Why I VOTED yes on Amendment 10a. The Presbytery of Boston voted last night, but seeing as I am slow to blog I was unable to post this prior to our vote. I apologize. Now, on to the real issue at hand:

Okay, so for my non-PCUSA followers and for my PCUSA followers that aren't addicted to the book of order and the happenings of the church, let me explain what is going on. The Presbyterian Church (USA) has The Book of Order (affectionately referred to as the BOO) which serves as the constitution of our church. The BOO has all of the "laws" of our church and essentially the way things are meant to be done. The BOO can be edited and amended, much in the same way that the Constitution of the United States of America. Every two years the General Assembly of the PCUSA meets and looks at the amendments that different Presbyteries have sent in. All of the Presbyteries in the country have to vote on the amendment and if it passes the BOO changes.

This year there were 15 amendments for the Presbyteries to vote on. Amendments 10A-10O. The hot ticket item, however, was (and is) Amendment 10A. Amendment 10A seeks to amend section G-6.0106b (I told you it is a lot like the US Constitution!) Right now that sections says "Those who are called to office in the church are to lead a life in obedience to Scripture and in conformity to the historic confessional standards of the church. Among these standards is the requirement to live either in Fidelity within the covenant of marriage between a man and a woman (W-4.9001), or in chastity in singleness. Persons refusing to repent of any self-acknowledged practice which the confessions call sin shall not be ordained and/or installed as deacons, elders, or ministers of the Word and Sacrament."

Amendment 10A would instead say that "Standards for ordained service reflect the church's desire to submit joyfully to the Lordship of Jesus Christ in all aspect of life (G-1.0000). The governing body responsible for ordination and/or installation (G-14.0240;G-14.0450) shall examine each candidate's calling, gifts, preparation, and suitability for the responsibilities of office. The examination shall include, but not be limited to, a determination of the candidate's ability and commitment to fulfill all requirements as expressed in the constitutional questions for ordination and instillation (W-4.4003). Governing bodies shall be guided by Scripture and the confessions in applying standards to individual candidates."

There are a couple different perspectives that can be taken on this matter.

1. As long as someone has a calling, as the gifts to serve, is suitable to serve and is prepared to serve, who are we to say they cannot because of who they love?
2. When so many churches are lacking pastors, when so many of our congregations are yoked due to a lack of staffing, why are we turning capable potential pastors away?
3. I know many GLBTQ candidates for ministry as well as elders who are more competent and better able to serve than many of those who identify themselves as straight. Let's get those who want to joyfully serve and have the abilities to do so installed!
4. Cut this whole intolerance crap...it's getting old!
5. It isn't just a GLBTQ issue. With the current wording, if you are heterosexual but not living within either in fidelity of marriage or in chastity in singleness you are unfit to serve in any office... so all of our elders and deacons who are living with a partner but not married to them, why are you serving the church? I actually knew an elder who upon reading this resigned from the session because by him living with his girlfriend he was going against the BOO.

I suppose these are the reasons why I voted for Amendment 10A. The Presbytery of Boston was amazingly civil in our discussions on the night of the vote (11/1/10). The Presbytery had 83 votes cast. 53 voted were in favor of passing Amendment 10A. 30 votes were against amendment 10A.

Presbytery of Boston, I am proud of you!

New Direction

So I have decided to take my blog in a new direction. As a result, I am pretty certain that I will blog more because it is a topic that is on my mind 36 hours a day 12 days a week. For those doing the math...that is more than all the time.

So what is the new direction you might ask? THis is going to be my "Quest for Seminary" blog or my "Presbygeek tries to get ordained" or "Presbygeek M.Div." blog or whatever clever name comes to be. Essentially this is going to be where I vent my frustrations but share my joys about applying to seminary, the ordination process of the PCUSA, actually going to seminary (Hopefully!), and whatever else happens to occur.

I have been searching the interwebs to hear about other people's faith journye, quest for ordination...etc... and I came across a pretty cool blog. Charles Wei is a PCUSA seminarian in San Francisco and I have totally fallen in love with him (In the will you please be my new best friend sort of way)! You can check out his awesome blog at http://jesushighforthegayguy.blogspot.com/. Reading about his story and his journey is really helpful. So I present here for you (and the rest of the monkeys of teh interw3bz) my journey, my quest, or whatever we shall call it!