Update 3: My Body Hates Me

Near the end of the summer I started noticing a theme: I was getting sick everyday. Whenever I ate, no matter what I was eating, I would get super sick. I have been allergic to dairy for years so I go out of my way to avoid dairy. This was not dairy related. I was getting horribly sick. I would have sharp stabby stomach pains all day, I would get tired almost instantly after eating, a migraine quality headache would soon develop and I was experiencing awful joint pain. Initially I did not connect the headaches, fatigue, or joint pain. I went to the doctor shortly after the semester started, just for the sick and stomach pains. We talked about what could be causing it and she order a lot of blood work.

Those that are successful at obtaining my blood without hurting me will be given a huge reward. To my recollection this has never happened. I have had everything from a phlebotamist inserting the needle and moving it around to find the vein. I have had blood taken from both elbows, the back of both hands, and even from between my knuckles at one point. When having my blood drawn at the doctor's office, it took two people. The first person attempted to get blood from my elbow and couldn't do it. The second person came in and took blood from the back of my hand. The problem, then, was that both were from my right arm, my dominate arm. I lost all feeling in my right arm for the rest of the day, which made driving a fun game.

I went back to the doctors this week to follow up. My blood work showed that I am severely anemic and that I have hypothyroidism. The Anemia I can understand but I have not fully understood what exactly hypothyroidism entails. However, the test for bacterial infections and parasites were clean. In between the two doctors visits I realized that everytime I eat wheat I would have all of the symptoms. So I haven't had gluten in a month. I feel so much better and I'm only getting sick when the dining services sneaks gluten into my food.

So it turns out I have Celiac Disease. Apparently 1 in 100 people have it. It's an autoimmune disease that makes it impossible for my intestines to process gluten (the protein found in wheat, barely, rye, and other grains). I have to load up on the fruits and vegetables and I am trying out weird gluten free foods. It has made eating in the dining hall insanely difficult so I am working with housing to try to move out of the dorm.

In one month I have been diagnosed with anemia, hypothyroidism, and Celiac Disease. My body hates me!

A Poem

Day by day and meal after meal

I’m really not liking the way I feel

I need to concentrate on my summer Greek

But every day I feel so week

Weak, getting sick daily, don’t want to get out of bed

So, I decided it’s off to the doctor I head

Poking and prodding and then blood work

You have really bad veins so this will hurt

The phone rings and it’s the lab tech

You need to come back, there’s more to check

We go over the results and I start to get scared

“Thyroid and white blood cell count is off”, she declared

So more blood work and an ultrasound for good measure

Just tell me what to do so I can get better

Anemia and vitamin D deficient, okay that I can handle

No answers from the white Blood count hits me like an anvil

My hair is starting to fall out

I need answers beyond any doubt

My biggest fear is that it’s cancer

So would you please just give me a damn answer

I take a quiz but think of what else is going on

I think of my health instead of the gospel according to John

I hope the doctor will call me soon

Because my imagination is starting to balloon. 

I Give Myself Away

If I am being perfectly honest with myself, and whoever is reading this, I am scared about tomorrow. After Greek tomorrow I have another doctor's appointment. We are going to evaluate the results of last week's blood work and do some more blood work. The doctor is supposed to tell me whether or not I have to go see an endocrinologist. As I have said before this is a perfectly shitty time for this to be happening. I'm in class everyday and the class is kicking my ass so having something big distract my already distractable mind is bad.
On top of that the people I love and that I ordinarily have around me to lean on are five hours away. David called me while I was in church (we went to Broad Street Ministries to hear Andy preach and I absolutely fell in love with the place. I want to go back many times. It's what I was looking for. But a post will come later about that.), and so after the service I called him back. It was very difficult to talk because I was practically running through Philly, felt like I was going to be sick, and was surrounded by people. There was all kinds of things I wanted to talk to him about and things I wanted to hear about. I felt like I was being a crappy girl friend because I haven't gotten to speak to him all weekend. He felt like he was bothering me and intruding, which he wasn't at all, it's just difficult to have a conversation as I am trying to hurry through a city with people that don't know what is going on.
I was thinking of going to talk to the campus chaplain lady. Part of it is because I'm just freaking out in a huge way. I have never had any serious health problems. I've broken bones. I've gotten a concussion. I have sprained and twisted and dislocated things. I had a while where I had to go to physical therapy for my knee. I've never been faced with a disease before. I've never possibly had an on going medical condition. Well, I suppose that is not true. If I do have something it's not like I just developed it today, I've possibly had it for a while and just not known about it.
 Going to two services today (Nassau Presbyterian in the morning and Broad Street Ministries this evening) gave me time to reflect. In a way this is a bit like when Dad died. I know that sounds extreme but hear me out. I was a freshman in college and had decided to switch schools and major in theology. I was fully prepared to serve God and do whatever God deemed me fit to do. And then Dad died. And it made me question my faith and doubt everything I thought I knew. It was a time where I constantly wondered why I should be doing this if God is going to do horrible things in my life. Now I am smarter and hopefully I have more faith and trust in God. I'm starting Seminary. I am going to fully serve God. And a big medical event is happening. But now, I fully trust in God. I know that God is going to do what God is going to do and regardless I am a child of God and God loves me. Tonight, at Broad Street, the Song of Affirmation was "I Give Myself Away" and it really hit home for me. This is what I'm working on and though the things that are currently going on in my life may challenge me, it is all about giving myself away, putting my life in the Lord's hands and being open to being used in whatever way possible.

Chorus:
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me
I give myself away
I give myself away
So You can use me

Verse 1:
Here I am
Here I stand
Lord, my life is in your hands
Lord, I'm longing to see
Your desires revealed in me
I give myself away

Verse 2:
Take my heart
Take my life
As a living sacrifice
All my dreams all my plans
Lord I place them in your hands

Bridge:
My life is not my own
To you I belong
I give myself, I give myself to you

Greek and Blood Work

Greek is kicking my hindquarters! Vocabulary I can handle and I am not that bad at translating, but produces the paradigms is painful. It just does not make any kind of sense. I have to get through it because I have to pass this class but I am feeling so very negative about it. I decided to do summer Greek because I thought that I wouldn't have other things distracting me and I could focus solely on that. How wrong I was.

I have been at PTS for just under three weeks and it has been rough. Getting used to the area isn't all that bad, I have no problems with getting lost, it's like an adventure. I'm meeting amazing people and making friends. The problem, I suppose is within me. I've spent the past three weeks getting sick everyday. Whenever I eat, not too long afterwards, I have to scamper off to the restroom. It's especially annoying because I'm trying to be social and make friends etc and this keeps happening. I stopped going to breakfast, because at least that way I don't have to leave Greek precept for it.

I went to the Doctor on Thursday and told her about what was going on. She ordered some bloodwork to be done and gave me a prescription for antibiotics. However, yesterday their tech person called and told me that nothing showed why I am getting sick everyday but did show problems with my thyroid. I have to go back in on Monday and see what's going on. I decided to do some googling to see what he was talking about. If my thyroid levels are high, which is what he said, a possible cause could be hyperthyroidism. So looking at the symptoms, it sort of makes sense. Let's take a look at some Symptoms:

• I feel like I have a lot of nervous energy to burn off- I attributed this to ADHD.
• reference to getting sick (actual wording is TMI)- one reason I went to DR
• Difficulty getting to sleep and staying asleep- attributed it to being in a new place
• feeling fatigued/exhausted- attributed this to previous symptom.
• my hair is course/dry/brittle/breaking/falling out
• lady issues (sorry TMI)
• moods change easily
• feeling of worthlessness
• difficult concentrating- I attributed this to ADHD 
• more forgetful lately
• feeling restless/anxious

That's just a few symptoms on the list and it seems to fit. I'm nervous about going back to the Doctor. I've never had real big issues before. I have ADHD and I've broken things and had concussions but not like long term medical problem that required going to the doctor regularly. Also it requires blood work which I am not good with. I have really bad veins apparently so having blood drawn is painful. On Thursday they left a big bruise where blood was drawn, in the past I've had it taken from the back of my hand and from between my knuckles. Not a pleasant experience for anyone. Last night I've noticed I've got a few other random bruises that I don't remember getting, but now I am turning into a hypochondriac.