Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Transitional Woman

Last week I was given a bead for my charm bracelet. It is called "Transitional Woman" and it depicts a woman evolving. I have decided that Transitional Woman and I do not agree. This past week has been absolutely awful for me. I fully believe that I have cried more in the past ten days than anyone should. period. I apparently am not a fan of transition. The change is difficult to deal with. For the past four years I have been a college student and what am I now? How do I identify myself to myself? I wish that I had gone straight into classes once I got finished at AUC. Maybe things would have been easier that way? There are so many questions floating around in my head right now and the inability to answer them all makes me anxious. Where am I going with my life? What am I doing with my life? What will Princeton be like? Will I be able to pass Greek? Will I make friends? What will living in New Jersey be like? What will I do once I am done with Princeton? How will David and I make the five hour distance work? Will I be able to find a job at Princeton?

Another issue I am having is that I feel like there is nowhere I belong. Family is supposed to love you unconditionally. They are genetic programmed to in a way, like you. My family does not like me. My family does not love me. They have made this abundantly clear as of late. If, the people who are supposed to love me do not, who will? If I do not belong with my family where do I belong? I no longer belong at my college, so where do I belong? Where is a family I can call my own? Is there anywhere that I belong?

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