Last week I was given a bead for my charm bracelet. It is called "Transitional Woman" and it depicts a woman evolving. I have decided that Transitional Woman and I do not agree. This past week has been absolutely awful for me. I fully believe that I have cried more in the past ten days than anyone should. period. I apparently am not a fan of transition. The change is difficult to deal with. For the past four years I have been a college student and what am I now? How do I identify myself to myself? I wish that I had gone straight into classes once I got finished at AUC. Maybe things would have been easier that way? There are so many questions floating around in my head right now and the inability to answer them all makes me anxious. Where am I going with my life? What am I doing with my life? What will Princeton be like? Will I be able to pass Greek? Will I make friends? What will living in New Jersey be like? What will I do once I am done with Princeton? How will David and I make the five hour distance work? Will I be able to find a job at Princeton?
Another issue I am having is that I feel like there is nowhere I belong. Family is supposed to love you unconditionally. They are genetic programmed to in a way, like you. My family does not like me. My family does not love me. They have made this abundantly clear as of late. If, the people who are supposed to love me do not, who will? If I do not belong with my family where do I belong? I no longer belong at my college, so where do I belong? Where is a family I can call my own? Is there anywhere that I belong?
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Showing posts with label change. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
What Am I Doing With My Life?
Today I freaked out! I don't really know what happened. One second I was working on seminary applications and looking at different seminaries' websites, and the next I was freaking out and thinking that there is no point in going to seminary and I would be better off becoming a hobo.
Applying for seminary has been so stressful. There are so many different factors to consider. My list has also been shortened dramatically because of the cost of applications. Princeton's application deadline is February 15th and I am hoping to get the finances together so that I can submit the application by that date. The only thing stopping me is the fees. My back up is Andover Newton Theological School. Part of me wants to go there because it is comfortable. I've spent a lot of time at Andover Newton over the years and it isn't far away. I plan to apply to Iliff School of Theology in Denver. It doesn't have an application fee is I apply prior to March 31. While on their website today I saw that they have a program in conjunction with the University of Denver for the Doctor of Philosophy in Religious and Theological Studies degree program. The concentration that truly interests me is Religion and Social Change. But can I picture myself with a doctorate? Dr. Devin. That's weird. They also offer a Social Change concentration with their M.Div.
I do not think that I want to be a pastor in the pulpit every Sunday. While I enjoy working with youth I do not see myself as a youth pastor either. The thing that I am truly interested in and would like to, somehow, work with is equality. Economic equality, gender equality, all different types of equality. Organizations like That All May Freely Serve and The Morelight Presbyterians are amazing! I could see myself being involved with groups like these and other groups that address other equality issues. Social Justice is a huge concern of mine. I guess I just want to help the world, as cliche as that sounds. But I suppose there is reasoning behind why my friends have nicknamed me Dix (as in Dorothea Dix).
I can also see myself working with groups like my beloved World Communion of Reformed Churches or maybe the World Council of Churches. I think ecumenical work is cool! Volunteering for the World Communion of Reformed Churches was one of the best ideas I have ever had. So social justice, equality, ecumenism, theology, social change, world religions. These are my interests, but how do I turn those into a career? How do I sustain myself? How do I prove to my family that I am not wasting my life by studying religion and by trying to help others?
Applying for seminary has been so stressful. There are so many different factors to consider. My list has also been shortened dramatically because of the cost of applications. Princeton's application deadline is February 15th and I am hoping to get the finances together so that I can submit the application by that date. The only thing stopping me is the fees. My back up is Andover Newton Theological School. Part of me wants to go there because it is comfortable. I've spent a lot of time at Andover Newton over the years and it isn't far away. I plan to apply to Iliff School of Theology in Denver. It doesn't have an application fee is I apply prior to March 31. While on their website today I saw that they have a program in conjunction with the University of Denver for the Doctor of Philosophy in Religious and Theological Studies degree program. The concentration that truly interests me is Religion and Social Change. But can I picture myself with a doctorate? Dr. Devin. That's weird. They also offer a Social Change concentration with their M.Div.
I do not think that I want to be a pastor in the pulpit every Sunday. While I enjoy working with youth I do not see myself as a youth pastor either. The thing that I am truly interested in and would like to, somehow, work with is equality. Economic equality, gender equality, all different types of equality. Organizations like That All May Freely Serve and The Morelight Presbyterians are amazing! I could see myself being involved with groups like these and other groups that address other equality issues. Social Justice is a huge concern of mine. I guess I just want to help the world, as cliche as that sounds. But I suppose there is reasoning behind why my friends have nicknamed me Dix (as in Dorothea Dix).
I can also see myself working with groups like my beloved World Communion of Reformed Churches or maybe the World Council of Churches. I think ecumenical work is cool! Volunteering for the World Communion of Reformed Churches was one of the best ideas I have ever had. So social justice, equality, ecumenism, theology, social change, world religions. These are my interests, but how do I turn those into a career? How do I sustain myself? How do I prove to my family that I am not wasting my life by studying religion and by trying to help others?
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