Thursday, December 9, 2010

mea culpa

I feel like I have been saying sorry a lot lately. The thing is most of the time, I am simply doing it to appease people. I am not actually sorry. I am sorry for the long break in between posts. That I really am sorry for. I mean to blog more often but stupid life and stupid drama take up way too much of my time.
Apparently I have changed. Someone told me today that "the usual you wouldn't have done that". That got me to thinking...The usual me? Who is the usual me? How can someone tell me what the usual me is? Shouldn't I know the usual me more than anyone? And besides all that, change is good.
The fall semester of my senior year of college just ended. One semester left until I am no longer a college student. One semester left until I have finished my 4 year sentence. one semester until I am hopefully becoming a seminarian. Reflecting on the fact that I have one semester left freaks me out. I really need to buckle down! No more playing around, no more procrastination. It's all about hitting the books next semester.
I have decided that there are certain changes in my life I need to make. No longer can I jerk around and then do everything at the last second. (Yes, I know this will take a LOT of work, but I'm going to start). I am also extraordinarily sick of drama. I am sick of being dragged into the drama of people's lives. I am sick of being surrounded by toxic relationships. My own relationship is perfectly amazing and I have hardly any drama in my own life so I am official done with other people's drama rubbing off on me. Enough!
I am also surrounding myself with more people, but at the same time engaging in hermitism. I have expanded my circle of friends and have begun hanging out with people I have not hung out with in a very long time. I am surrounding myself with all types of people and I enjoy it. At the same time I value alone time. Part of me wishes I were a hermit. Therefore I will create an equal balance of socialising and being by myself. I get stuff done when I have alone time. So next semester I will randomly escape to my dorm room and hide there for a night or for a weekend. I get too overwhelmed when I am surrounded by people 24/7. If I randomly disappear do not get angry, but get used to it.

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