I am sick of this stupid holiday! I am sick of the commercialism!! I am sick of presents! I am sick of Walmart! I am sick of the countdowns! I am sick of all of the annoying emails about over night shipping! I am Sick of the fat white guy! I am sick of elves! I want to become a jehovah's witness this year. They don't deal with the stupid presents and the celebrations. Can't we just have church and a meal together? Why does it focus around the gifts?

Perhaps it's that all the gift giving reminds me of how poor I am. Tomorrow when you open the crappy present I got you maybe you'll understand why I've been down lately. The homemade presents and the crappy cheap presents. They suck! I'm sorry.

I leave for Africa in 3 days and I have no money to spend in the country. I'm supposed to start taking malaria mess tomorrow. Looks like that won't be happening because I don't have the $100 they cost. I don't know what to do. My bank account is at -$180 right now.

This year I want to skip christmas. I want to skip the presents and the commercialism. The constant reminder of my empty bank account hurt. I want to keep the Christ in Christmas this year. Yeah it's for selfish reasons. Yeah I'm a jerk. It's okay I'll get malaria soon.