I love Jesus, I Like Tattoos

I like tattoos and I love Jesus. I want a full sleeve. I also want a job in a church some day. Apparently, these two things tend not to go hand and hand. I have been involved in numerous conversations since coming to seminary about tattoos and none of them has left me feeling too great. We all wish that we lived in a world where people are not judged by their appearances but alas, this is unfortunately not the case. I have one friend that has a full sleeve. It is from just above the shirt cuff all the way to his shoulder. If he needs to, he can hide it. Personally, I do not think he should ever have to hide it. It is beautiful artwork and now a part of him.

The year after my father died, I got a tattoo in memory of him. I knew instantly what I wanted to get but the difficult aspect was figuring out where I would get it. I want to be a pastor some day so it had to be in a location that is easily covered but at the same time, I wanted it to be in a location where it could be displayed if I wanted it to. One major factor was that I want it to be visible on my wedding day so my father is visibly with me. In the end, I got a starfish tattooed onto my left shoulder blade, easily concealed, and easily revealed. Three years after my Dad died, my Nana Rosie passed away of the same type of cancer. I want to get a tattoo to remember her by and once again, the problem I run into is since I am going to be a pastor and will need to cover this up, where do I get it?

I want at least three more tattoos:

A rose to represent my Nana Rosie who passed oflung cancer two years ago 

A shamrock to represent my Auntie Barbie who passed from a Pulmonary embolism this summer

A PCUSA cross that represents my love of the church and the role Fourth Pres (South Boston) serves as a place of refuge when home was not

Tattoos are beautiful pieces of art. They can carry so much meaning to a person. If done for the right reasons, they can carry a story that is otherwise untold. Tattooing has been practiced for centuries and yet it is still taboo. There is a Christian tattoos movement. People get back pieces that are the full crucifixion scene. People get scripture tattooed on them. But is it okay for the pastor to have tattoos? I want to be a tattooed pastor. I understand the Leviticus 19: 28 reasoning behind not getting tattoos but I also eat lobster.

I suppose my whole point is that I wish the appearance was not such a huge issue in society. I think someone with facial piercings and tattoos can be a better pastor that someone that is entirely clean-cut because it is not our appearance that determines our suitability for ministry but rather our heart, our faith, our experience. I love Jesus and I like tattoos and I do not think that these need to be mutually exclusive. I am a future pastor with one tattoo and plans for more. I’m pretty sure Jesus loves me and my tattoos. 

On the First Day of Systematic Theology

The clicking of keys

The scrapping of pen on paper

The turning of notebook pages

The rustling of fabric

The shadow of the professor’s head on the projector screen

These are a handful of things gaining my attention

There are six stage lights, three bald heads, two hats, one head wrap

Like bouncing up and down

The professor makes wild gesticulations, which I see, understand, but do not truly comprehend

 I have spent the last ten minutes wondering how a stain got onto the ceiling

Today I need to: phone interview, appointment with the shrink, and,

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity This is Going to be a Tough Semester Disorder

It's Been Four Years

It's been four years since you've been gone, but it feels like just yesterday.
You left entirely way too soon.
                   You didn't get to see my college graduation
                   You won't get to see me finish seminary.
                   Who's going to walk me down the aisle when I wear the white dress?
I know it's been four year but the pain is like it was just yesterday.
                  I know it was for the best
                  Your pain ended and you got to rest
But I need you and miss you!
I miss your corny jokes
I miss the racing lobsters down the hall with you
I miss our trips to the aquarium and watching the penguins while holding your hand
I miss your awful beef soup
I miss your chicken soup with half a bag of mozzarella cheese
I miss muting the TV and turning on the radio to have the best Red Sox commentary
I miss you embarrassing me in church and wish I could have appreciated it more
I miss standing in front of the polling places on cold November nights
I miss the sounds of Billy Joel, Elton John, and Tom Petty 24/7.
I miss your horrendously off-key version of "Big Shot"
I miss making blueberry muffins with you
I miss throwing a baseball back and forth because we have nothing better to do
I miss your horrible rhythm and inability to follow along singing hymns
I miss the Peanut Butter and Fluff sandwiches  even after you developed an allergy
I miss sitting on the end of your bed watching caucus results come in.
I miss all of these things, but most of all, Daddy, I miss you!

Resolutions I Can Stick To!

Year after year people decide upon their New Year resolution. But how many people actually stick to their resolutions? There are those that decide that they will lose 50 pounds, but by the second week of January, how many people throw that out the window, when the chocolate cake because just too appealing? I have known many people with the resolution to quit smoking...but once they become stressed, well one cigarette doesn't count. 

I usually neglect to make New Year resolutions because I know myself and I know I will forget to stick to them. This year, however, I have decided that I will make some. My resolutions will be realistic ones and ones that I believe I can actually keep. 

• Become more organized- I've purchased a planner and written down all of the events for the year that I already know about. I've enlisted the help of a friend who is a fantastic organizer. A huge factor of my current disorganization is my Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) so I'm headed off to a counselor to talk about that and figure out new coping mechanisms. 
• Become more financially responsible- I've altered my schedule to increase the number of hours I am working and I am being more conscious about my purchases and the way in which I spend my money. The biggest part has to do with organization and being aware of how much I have in my bank account (which means I will need to write down all of my transactions).
• Develop my prayer life- When I sat down with my CPM (Committee on Preparation for Ministry) this was something I decided that I need to work towards, but since then I haven't really made any progress. I'm searching for a devotional that captures my attention and one that I will stick with. Any suggestions will be appreciated.
• Become healthier- Like so many other people there is the underlying desire to lose weight. I would love to have the pounds just melt away, but more than anything else it is simply a desire to feel healthier. So that will include eating healthier (tonight it was spinach salad instead of the mashed potatoes and deep fried chicken patty), increased physical exercise (not necessarily hitting the gym hard but other things as well, today it was a walk around the graduate college's campus and the Institute for Advanced Study), and simply making smarter health decisions. 
• Sleep- I get a lot of it. I don't get sleep at the appropriate times. I need to move away from the going to bed at 3 AM and catching up on sleep on the weekends and move towards the getting 8 hours of sleep, even if that involves social sacrifices. Appropriate sleep schedules need to be a priority. 

5 resolutions. All of them are things that I will have to be conscious about. Some will be easier than others. Some will require a lot of help from other people. Some I simply need to make a priority in my life. Many of them will require sacrifice. I think I can do it. I think they will help to make me a better person physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally, in all the ways that matter. 

Words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated as I try to stick to these. 

Grades and Internships

Oh Good Lord, I just realized that I have not blogged in forever and a day! The Fall semester has ended, and I am anxiously awaiting my grades. Really, I am anxiously awaiting the grade for my Old Testament class. There's a chance I failed and will have to retake it next year. This class made me realize that my college did not prepare me for the academic world. I did not know how to be a student prior to this semester, and I am still trying to figure out the proper way to be a student. I never had to study in college because everything was so slow and so easy so I did not  have studying skills down. We also didn't have huge finals where I had to study endlessly. I will be upset if I have to take the class a second time, however with my previous academic background being taken into consideration I won't be overly distraught. On the plus side, if I do have to retake it, I will ace it the second time around.

I head back to Princeton on Sunday for the Fall Short term. I am taking a class called Church and State of Modern Europe. I didn't realize that modern does not actually mean today it means late 1700s- early 1800s. I am not too interested in the class, but such is life.

The big thing I am currently working on is field ed placements. I am trying to find a place for summer and for the 2012-2013 academic year. I am willing to go pretty much anywhere in the country and work almost anywhere the fulfills the field ed requirement. I thought I only wanted to do a church placement but I realize that other placements could be interesting as well. I'm doing a lot of googling trying to find something for the summer. A lot of my searches include some combination of "Church Summer Internship PCUSA". I've not really found anything yet but I'm still looking. I would love to do a church placement or something completely different involving public policy, amendment 10A, gender right, equality, hunger issues, social justice, ecumenical relations....

In Need of Guidance

I am having a massive internal conflict as of late. The basis of my conflict is field ed and more precisely, where I should do my field ed. For all those who are not well familiarized with the PCUSA ordination process and/or Princeton Theological Seminary academic requirements let me explain. The seminary mandates that I have to do one academic year placement and one summer placement. One of those two placements must be at a church. My Presbytery says that I have to do a church placement as well as a Clinical Pastoral Education placement at a hospital that is accredited by the Association for Clinical Pastoral Education (ACPE). That’s all well and good and I have no problem with any of those requirements.

I was offered a position for this coming summer (summer 2012) at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. At first, I was super excited but now I am having second thoughts. There are two main reasons for my doubts, one having to do with I suppose logistics and the other having to do with ministry. CHOP is obviously in Philadelphia. If I were to drive to Philly every day, it would take me at least an hour. I would then have to park in their remote parking lot and take a shuttle from the parking lot to the hospital. At the end of my long day at the hospital, I would then have to drive an hour back to Princeton with traffic. My other option would be public transportation. If I lived on campus I would walk to the Dinky, take the dinky to Princeton Junction, take the train to Trenton, take the Trenton line from Trenton to Center City, take the Media/Elwyn line and then walk. If I live in CRW, I would have to drive to a station or take the shuttle to campus. That would involve leaving at 6:20, if I needed to be at the hospital by 8:30. It is a lot of traveling and I would hate it early in the morning and after my day at the hospital. I also feel like it would be very expensive.

The other cause of my doubts pertains to ministry. I emailed the Committee on Preparation for Ministry for the Presbytery of Boston and they are very specific that Clinical Pastoral Education sites must be ACPE accredited in order for the committee to count it as CPE for the ordination requirements. This means that even though I would be doing everything that I would do at a CPE site it would not count as such. In my mind, if it isn’t going to count as the requirement I need then I should do something that will fulfill my requirements and because I am feeling myself called more towards parish ministry I feel that I should probably spend the summer doing field ed at a church.

I have no idea what to do and this internal battle I am having about what to do is both distracting and me bringing me to tears. I’m working on praying for some guidance but would love and appreciate input. 

All in All it's Awesome!

I have not posted in what feels like forever and a day. Life at seminary is pure chaos right now. The semester ends in 3 weeks which means that I have a lot of work to do! All kinds of papers and projects to get done and a final to study for. I'm pretty sure the only sit down final I have is for Old Testament and if I don't kick ass on that final I'll be stuck retaking Old Testament next year. So the next three weeks will have a large focus on the Old Testament. But that is what's coming up, What have I been up to?

I've been doing some volunteering, I've been going to churches, I've been going to meetings, and I've been living it up as a Seminarian.

Volunteering: Last month I went with a group from Community Presbyterian Church of Sand Hills to volunteer at a soup kitchen in Trenton. Trenton has a huge issue with poverty that is going massively overlooked. It's the capital of New Jersey and yet no one is paying attention. Last week David and I drove into Philly and volunteered at the Q-spot. The Q-Spot is a ministry of Broad Street Ministries that provides a place every other saturday for LGBTQ teens and young adults (18-25) to receive a meal, fellowship, personal care kits, counseling, mail services, Rapid HIV and Syphilis testing, and a warm place for a few hours. Homelessness within the young LGBTQ population in Philly is a large problem and it will only be getting worse unfortunately. I am headed back to Broad Street on Thursday to volunteer at their World Aid's Day event and then nest Saturday for the final Q-Spot of the year. I love Broad Street!

Speaking of Philly...I have field education lines up for the summer. I'll be commuting to Philly all summer where I will be serving as a chaplain at The Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. I am super excited. I will be the only student this summer which will make it pretty intense. It is a trauma 1 hospital and the #1 Pediatric Hospital in the world (tied with Boston's Children's). I will be working with patients of all different faith backgrounds and I requested to meet with the Imam on my first day because I do not know very much about the traditions that apply to this setting, within Islam. I will pick a specialty and work directly with that wing of the hospital and respond to all calls. The only negative part is that I have to wait until May to get started!

Churches: Whenever one of my friends is preaching somewhere, that is where I go to Worship. So far I have seen Andy preach at Broad Street (this summer), David preach at Sand Hills, Jon preach at Newtown, Pam preach in Pennington and yesterday I saw Brittany preach at the Princeton University Chapel. Next Sunday I'm off to see/hear Chad preach at Westminster and Carson will preach there the following Sunday. When I don't have a friend preaching on a particular Sunday, I've been attending the Community Presbyterian Church of Sand Hills.

Meetings: I love BGLASS meetings. It is such a randomly amazing group of people and we are both completely serious and not at all. Last week the meeting started with me fighting to open a bag of mangoes and people making fun of me because I couldn't open it. We discuss in great detail glitter and tie dye but we also get down to the real topics like planning panels on same-sex marriage and amendment 10A. We have a lot of amazing things in the works for the Spring semester. I've also been working with a group fellow seminarians (with the guidance of Wayne Meisel) to figure out how to get seminarians to partake in sustainable social engagement. We are currently examining the issues of the areas around us, focusing greatly on Trenton and figuring out which issues we can work on.

Seminary: Yep, I'm still in love with Seminary. Classes have gotten hard and there has been many times where I have questioned why I was accepted but I know there is a reason and I know I can do it. I have formed amazing relationships with people here. There have been some awesome parties, some awesome nights out and some awesome random explorations of the area. All in All it's awesome! :)