Medical purgatory

I feel like I'm in some sort of Purgatory. And waiting for the other shoe to drop. And other metaphors and analogies for waiting for a result. Back in October, I blogged about some of the health issues that I've been facing. I wish it where as easy and as simple as I thought it was back in October. So it turns out that I was misdiagnosed with celiac disease. I do not have celiac disease, and in fact I am now able to eat dairy which I had been allergic to for almost a decade.
Day after Christmas I received a phone call from my doctors office asking me to call back immediately because it was very urgent that they speak to me instantly. I called them back to find out what the important thing was and it was just an appointment to follow up on my test results. I asked them if I was going to die if I didn't come instantly and of course the Answer was no. So I scheduled an appointment for when I returned to New Jersey. At my appointment we went over the test results from bloodwork that had previously been done. As suspected I am severely anemic and also severely vitamin D deficient. The doctor prescribed a heavy iron medication as well as a large vitamin D supplement. Not as expected was learning that it's my kidneys were dehydrated. I was advised to drink more water. However I already drank water and chew ice like it is going out of style. So this does not make much sense to me. We will look back on it at my next appointment.
The other thing they found had to do with my thyroid. As it turns out I have an autoimmune disease called Hashimoto's disease. Essentially my thyroid is not producing any of the hormone that is supposed to produce. This is because my immune system thinks that this hormone is enemy bacteria and destroys it instantly. The doctor gave me for this as well and we will retest my blood in a few weeks. In addition to the medication my doctor ordered a thyroid ultrasound. This was a semi-painful procedure because the technician Used the ultrasound wand and repeatedly pressed down on my thyroid. At one point the technician flipped a switch which changed the ultrasound image into a multicolored image different colored shapes appeared on the image with sizes mark next to them, I knew that this was not a good sign. My doctors office called me later in the week to inform me, over the phone, that the ultrasound revealed a large number of nodules on my thyroid with a high probability of being cancerous. Following my blood work and in a few weeks we will discuss the options to further investigate the nodules which may include an air aspirated needle biopsy. This is a very frightening notion. I have never had any sort of procedure done. The most severe of medical procedures I've had is a cast one I broke my arm. I want answers and I hate feeling the way I'm feeling so if that is what it takes to get answers of course I will go through with it, however I hope that they knock me out for this. The medication of the doctors prescribed this is just me alleviating some of the symptoms of the Hashimoto's disease. I'm not entirely sure which symptoms it is supposed to take care of...Because I still feel exhausted I am able to sleep more than any person should be. It's a good thing that my first class on most days of the week is not until 1 PM because I am not awake before 11.
In other news I have joined a gym. I'm attempting to go at least three times a week. Ideally it would be more like every other day. And someone is I wish I had a friend to work out with so that I would be motivated to drive to the gym and work out and yet and other ways I don't want to work out with anyone I know because those body image issues. My goal, I am about sure of how realistic it may or may not be, is to lose 140 pounds in the next 16 months. This feels currently near impossible when eating on the school meal plan as I currently am forced to do. I hope and believe that this will become easier when the school year ends and I am able to cook for myself this summer.

Discernment

I'm beginning to think that the longer I am in seminary the more clear my sense of call is. I suppose that this makes total sense. When else have I been so tested mentally, academically, spiritually, emotionally and physically? I've taken classes and my year and a half here that have challenged me in so many ways. I wanted to give up and quit seminary more times than I can count. But I stuck with it. I've cried myself to sleep. I've cried myself through studying. But still I persevere.

And in all of this growth and reflection and personal discernment one of the big things that I have been working on, especially with discernment, is figuring out where I feel called vocational. One point, years ago, I thought I felt called to parish ministry. And though I appreciate those who do feel called, and though I do enjoy preaching every once in a while, I know that I am not called to Parish ministry. This semester I have been doing a field education placement with the presbytery of West Jersey. I am been learning about the hunger issues in New Jersey and traveling from church to church through out the Presbytery teaching congregations about hunger and encouraging them to get involved with different missions related to hunger. It is been very rewarding and I have learned that I definitely enjoying this more then parish ministry or church placements. I cannot see some sort of educational or advocacy work being a part of what I am called to do.

After graduation I am moving to Louisville, Kentucky for the year to join my then-husband as he finishes up his final year of seminary. Following his graduation we hope to move back to Massachusetts. In Boston and the surrounding area there is a plethora of different nonprofits that would be amazing to work with and to work for. In particular I think the human rights campaign is very appealing as is the Waltham house, a home through the home for a little wanderers organization, that caters to young LGBTQ homeless teens. There are so many nonprofits that focus on education and advocacy and civil rights that would be amazing to become a part of. I think that the fields of that holds the most interest to me is civil rights and LGBTQ issues. Especially homeless LGBTQ young adults. I don't really have any doubts that I would be able to find a career where I would be able to both earn money as well as feel like I'm making a difference.

So at this point the thing that I'm having the most difficulty discerning is whether or not to continue on the ordination process. Working for some sort of nonprofit organization would not require me to be ordained. The ordination process for the Presbyterian Church has proven to this far be very stressful and I'm only on the beginning stage. Additionally, it is a very expensive process. At this point is difficult for me to be okay with forcing myself to go through so much stress and financial strain when ordination is not required. Things to think about and pray about and talk about and discern.

Save the Dates

So next summer I am marrying the man of my dreams. We're planning a relaxed wedding at the camp where we met, had our first date, and where he proposed. It only makes sense! We are paying for it ourselves, So we don't have a huge budget. A lot of it is DIY projects! As I complete projects I'll post them to my blog. The first project I'm working on is the save the dates. I've come up with forcing the dates as inspired by then some Internet but I can't decide which to go with. I really like one of them but most of my family hates it. What do You think?

I have a dress!

Christmas break is great because everyone is home and we can spend time together. It's the only time everyone is together. So during break we went dress shopping! I went to David's Bridal with Jenn (future mom-in-law), Shelby (future sister-in-law), Amanda, Katie, and Brittny (3 of the bridesmaids). I tried on so many dresses that were nice. Some I hated. And then finally tried on the one I fell in love with. It was so much fun shopping with my ladies!
When i realized that this was the dress i sent pictures to my brother-in-law and sister. I put a deposit down on the dress and was told that I had 60 days to pay it off. Once it was paid off they would order it for me. When I went to spend time with my brother-in-law (John) and sister (Kacie) before heading back to school they had a surprise for me. John paid off my dress! So now my dress has been ordered and it arrives at the end of February! So excited! My brother-in-law is the best!

Update

It's January and I haven't posted since the end of October. There's just so many social media platforms to keep track of. So I'm addicted to Pinterest. I have a wedding board that I share with Jenn (my future mother-in-law) and Shelby (my future sister-in-law). There's well over 200 pins on the board. It's going to be difficult to narrow down all of the amazingness to things we can actually do for the wedding. Oh that lovely constraint of having a budget! Blah!
In other news I didn't fail Hebrew. That's kind of awesome because it was a huge possibility. Not looking forward to the second semester of Hebrew though.

Update 3: My Body Hates Me

Near the end of the summer I started noticing a theme: I was getting sick everyday. Whenever I ate, no matter what I was eating, I would get super sick. I have been allergic to dairy for years so I go out of my way to avoid dairy. This was not dairy related. I was getting horribly sick. I would have sharp stabby stomach pains all day, I would get tired almost instantly after eating, a migraine quality headache would soon develop and I was experiencing awful joint pain. Initially I did not connect the headaches, fatigue, or joint pain. I went to the doctor shortly after the semester started, just for the sick and stomach pains. We talked about what could be causing it and she order a lot of blood work.

Those that are successful at obtaining my blood without hurting me will be given a huge reward. To my recollection this has never happened. I have had everything from a phlebotamist inserting the needle and moving it around to find the vein. I have had blood taken from both elbows, the back of both hands, and even from between my knuckles at one point. When having my blood drawn at the doctor's office, it took two people. The first person attempted to get blood from my elbow and couldn't do it. The second person came in and took blood from the back of my hand. The problem, then, was that both were from my right arm, my dominate arm. I lost all feeling in my right arm for the rest of the day, which made driving a fun game.

I went back to the doctors this week to follow up. My blood work showed that I am severely anemic and that I have hypothyroidism. The Anemia I can understand but I have not fully understood what exactly hypothyroidism entails. However, the test for bacterial infections and parasites were clean. In between the two doctors visits I realized that everytime I eat wheat I would have all of the symptoms. So I haven't had gluten in a month. I feel so much better and I'm only getting sick when the dining services sneaks gluten into my food.

So it turns out I have Celiac Disease. Apparently 1 in 100 people have it. It's an autoimmune disease that makes it impossible for my intestines to process gluten (the protein found in wheat, barely, rye, and other grains). I have to load up on the fruits and vegetables and I am trying out weird gluten free foods. It has made eating in the dining hall insanely difficult so I am working with housing to try to move out of the dorm.

In one month I have been diagnosed with anemia, hypothyroidism, and Celiac Disease. My body hates me!

Summer Part 2!

At the beginning of August David and I celebrated out fifth anniversary of dating. I drove up to Massachusetts to visit him. Our intention for the weekend was to go to a wedding in Maine on the Sunday of our anniversary weekend. We planned to stop at the camp, in New Hampshire, where we had met on the Friday. On Saturday, we were going to Harpswell, Maine to see his godmother/aunt. And then Sunday was the wedding in Brunswick. The weekend did not happen as planned.

By the time we were ready to hit the road for New Hampshire it was dinnertime. Instead of eating at a rest stop we decided to eat with David's family. I looked over at David at one point and noticed that he was barely picking at his dinner. Very odd, especially because he had worked in the sun all day. When it was time to leave David's father gave me a hug. I love his father. He's a very loving man but I can count the number of hugs he has given me. But whatever, we got in the car and started driving.

By the time we had reached the camp it was dark. There was a family camp going on but I had received permission for us to stay in a cabin for the night. We spent a while talking to the program director and then made our way down to the cabin. As we walked down to the cabin he checked his pockets, saying that he was looking for his flashlight. We settled into the cabin and David suggested we go for a walk. I stood outside of the cabin waiting for him, and then we made our way down to the water front.

At the water front we spent time looking at the stars and watching the reflection of the moon on the pond. As we were talking about random things, David starts telling me that he loves me and what I meant to him. But then he said that it wasn't enough. My first thought was something along the lines of "If this JERK took me to New Hampshire to break up with me on our anniversary I will kill him dead!" but then suddenly he was on one knee in the sand with a small box in his hand. He likes to tease me because I apparently did not say yes at first. Instead I kissed him, but because I was still smiling it was more of a clashing of teeth.

We spent that night alone in the cabin being happy and dreaming of our future and calling each other fiance, future wife, and future husband...repeatedly. One of the great or horrible things (depends on how you look at it) about my camp is that there is zero cellphone reception. So the next morning we drove to the next town in order to call people to let them know. We sat in a parking lot making calls. I called my sister first. He called his family to let them know I said yes...like there was any question.

We then made it up to Harpswell and spent time with Aunt Nancy, Sandra, and Grandma White. We walked along the beach and We went to see Aunt Nancy and Sandra in the community theater play and actually ended up helping out with stage and lighting stuff beforehand. At the play, we talked to one of Aunt Nancy's niece. Later that night she found out that we had just gotten engaged the night before and was surprised with the amount of confidence we had when we said fiance. :)

On Sunday we had breakfast and then ended up heading back to Massachusetts so I could spend extra time with my future in-laws before I had to head back to New Jersey. We didn't make it to the wedding (Sorry Steph and Mike!). It was an amazing weekend!